AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH CORONA VIRUS!

This is an EXCLUSIVE interview with Coronavirus. The virus wanted to speak and get a few moments to share its story. It felt that in India, where even a terrorist is portrayed as maths teacher by the “media”, a deadly virus could also be looked at sympathetically.

So it decided to talk to me, the author of TIVP (The Indian View Point) blog.

Let me inform the readers that this interview was conducted keeping in mind the rules of social distancing. So, the readers are assured that they will not be infected by reading this interview.

DISCLAIMER: This is a satire, with some facts. This is written with some pun intended. There are a lot of messages in it. I hope that everyone will find their own message.

Puneeth K (PK): Do you know where have you come from and what are your origins?

Coronavirus (CV): I have been living in bats for quite some time. Those bats were taken to Wuhan Institute of Virology (WIV) where their tissue samples were collected in order to find various viruses and perform some research on them. I really don’t know how but, one day I opened my eyes and found myself in a place that was full of various wild animals. I came to know later that it was called Hunan seafood market.

PK: China is telling the world you originated in that wet market itself?

CV: China needs to cover-up my birth, that is the reason they are lying. I came from bats that live hundreds of kilometres away from Wuhan. The bats lives in dark caves. How did they enter such a busy city? You have to understand their desperation to put the truth under the carpet.

Also Read: EXACTLY HOW IS CHINA RESPONSIBLE FOR THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC?

PK: You were born in China. What inspired you to travel around the world?

CV: When I was at the Wuhan wet market, I learned that I can survive only by infecting people. The more people I infected, the stronger I felt. So, I just moved from one human to another effortlessly. On one my tours around Wuhan, I came across a travel agency. I saw these beautiful pictures of different countries – America, Italy, Spain, France and even India. I decided to visit all those places once. I wanted to see the world, experience different cultures and hospitalities. Seen the movie ‘Around the world in 80 days’? I wanted to do some adventure like that, so I started travelling.

PK: Have you left China for good?

CV: To be honest. I thought China was my home. I was disappointed when China denied my existence to the world. I hope to return to China as soon as possible and meet lot of those cute Chinese. I also hope the World Health Organisation (WHO) will keep politics aside and conduct a fair investigation on China to find out the complete truth of my origin in China and clear my maligned image.

Also Read: “WHO” ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC?

PK: How were your experiences in various different countries that you have visited?

CV: (with bright eyes) I am having a wonderful time around the world. I love America. I love New York, it is a city of vibrancy. Italy, France and Spain are majestic. Moving around Europe is like poetry in motion. I also love the other Asian countries of Japan, South Korea, Singapore and Thailand. I am amazed by the people of India. They are so closely knitted. Mumbai reminds me of New York. I have not yet explored Africa enough but I am sure after my sojourn in US, Europe and some parts of Asia, I will explore the African nations at leisure.

PK: Why are you leaving a death trail wherever you travel? What have the humans done to you that you are a bringer of death?

CV: I am a virus. I just try to survive in the human body. That’s my nature. I have no intentions to kill anyone. If humans have weak immune system or pre-existing health issues, then when you have too much interaction with me, it is leading to death. Ask the ‘WHO’, whether any of the deaths have been directly caused by COVID-19 or because of some pre-existing medical conditions that get aggravated because of my presence.

PK: Why did you spread so robustly in the US?

CV: Americans, by nature are very welcoming, friendly and fun-loving people. America is the only nation that has accepted my place of origin and is working to ensure that China restores my honor and accepts that I come from China and from the Wuhan lab. I am a big fan of Donald Trump. I admire his courage to fight for my virus-right. He has even withdrawn funding from the WHO. The WHO knows the truth of my birth in China, but they are denying it to the world. I am aware that there have been a considerable number of deaths in the US but you cannot put the blame on me. Most Americans have bad eating habits, their food is mostly junk food full of cholesterol and their bodies are full of pre-existing illness related to heart and respiratory system. I do not mean to kill anyone. I just like to co-exist with humans.

PK: So, what are your plans while you are in India?

CV: I plan to have a lot of fun in India. It is a nation that cannot follow lockdown orders (100%). Take for example this set of people, your government termed “single-source”, they were very kind to me. They allowed me to attend their congregation. From there I could travel to different parts of India. In fact, let me tell you that the airports in India were so much of a travel treat. I just strolled into India and I have been to different cities. They had this detection and detention facility but nobody really bothered about the spread of the virus. Most were busy chatting or picking their noses. Amusingly you Indians on a particular day started to bang utensils and scream ‘Go Corona Go’. It was so cute and childish. I loved the energy.

The lighting of diyas bit was like experiencing a mini Diwali. I love this positivity. This makes me love India. This coming together. This oneness. I plan to stay in India a little more, I want to enjoy the rains. I am told monsoons are wonderful in India. I want to hear the patter of the rain. I will spend most time with more Indians in the monsoons. I will try and visit most homes.

PK: Of all the cities in India, which city are you enjoying the most in?

CV: I love Mumbai. I am having a lot of fun in Mumbai. The people are very welcoming. I think the government authorities too enjoy my presence, that’s why instead of focusing on enforcing the lockdown they spend time on PR activities. They even got your movie stars to promote this campaign ‘Best CM of India’. I am grateful to the CM of Maha-state for his kindness in allowing me to connect with Mumbaikars. So far, I have connected with nearly 40,000 people in Maharashtra and 23,000 in Mumbai alone. I plan to meet many more. I want Mumbai to be as famous as New York. I also like parts of Gujarat, Delhi and Tamil Nadu. In Chennai I hope to dance ‘Appadi Podu’ with many Tamilians. In Gujarat I want to dance to the Garba and Dandiya beats. In Delhi to go crazy on Bhangra. You can be rest assured I will connect with many in these cities.

PK: If someone is not interested to be friends with you, what should they do?

CV: I am not sure why would some not want to connect with me. But if you don’t, then I suggest you to wash your hands regularly. Have a bath frequently. Wear masks and gloves. Avoid crowded places. Maintain social distancing. Stay at home and enjoy your family time; because your family are the most important people in your life. People are calling me as the bringer of death. The fact is that I have forced people to spend more time with their family. They were busy trying to accumulate wealth, fame and material things that life has to offer while competing with other humans. In this global rat race, most tend to forget their most vital treasure – their family.

PK: Will you leave humans alone and retire quietly before humans find a way to kill you?

CV: I am a virus. I am here to connect with humans. I think humans and I will learn to live together. Humans may try to find ways to kill me. It is their innate nature to create and to destroy. I am sure, some day they will destroy me. But I do not like to think that far. Death comes to all, whether human or virus. Until then, I will continue to travel and enjoy my relationship with humans, as long as I’m here.

PK: What kinds of humans do you prefer, do you have some specific taste?

CV: I like everyone equally. I am what people in India love to talk about vehemently – I am secular. I do not care about your religion. I do not care about your color and gender. I do even not care about your caste and your standing in society. I connect because I want to connect with you without any preconceived biases. I am truly “secular”.

PK: Why did you chose TIVP (The Indian View Point) blog to get your story out?

CV: I thought of Arnab Goswami, but he is currently dealing with Antonio "Mayonnaise", so I did not think it was appropriate to bother him. I was told to consider Kingdeep Sardesai but I was a little afraid because of his Madison Garden boxing escapade. I even thought I would speak to “The (copper) Wire” but then, I realized even if I told them the truth about my origin in China, they would find a way to blame your PM for my birth and global spread. I thought I would give you a chance because you have been openly questioning the WHO and China about their inactions in the initial stages of my break-out.

Also read: DR. COVERUP: HOW CHINA HID TEDROS’ DARK PAST AND INDIA FELL FOR HIM?

PK: So, what are your future plans?

CV: (Smiles) I plan to spend a considerable time at the White House. I want to get to know President Donald Trump a little more. I also want to connect with the other people at the White House. I need them to fight for virus-rights. I want them to get China and WHO to admit the truth about my origin. And I hope that I will find a way to co-exist with you humans without killing or making you seriously ill...

JAI HIND!

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